A Start to a Personal Insight

Here is a preface and a disclaimer to what will be a long emotional journey.

This is dedicated to the people who sacrificed so much on so many levels.

The intent of this blog has several points, not only is it a way to answer the questions that many have and still have. It is also a format for therapy a way for me to translate the thoughts and feelings into a place where there is a certain amount of distance for safety as well as a lack of direct connection.

As I go through the experiences and events that have shaped today, all the information will be as accurate as I can recall. Actual locations and individuals will remain nameless out of respect and to respect the dignity. Out of professional courtesy specific organizations and occasions will have their identity removed. Everything we discuss will be nothing more than my observations and or opinion.

Now that we have established the basis of what this is about and the guidelines that it contains let us discuss how this comes about. Years back when I made the decision that my time had come to serve our nation, I was searching for a way to pass the time during my travels to basic training. I had heard about this book that gave a detailed personal insight on combat during the war in Vietnam. I had no idea that years later parts of the book Charlie Mike written by Joe Klein would influence me to share things in order to face my own demons. The connection between Charlie Mike and what I plan to share are huge, but the format and the way the experience is relayed will not be similar.

A few years back we had run a series of blogs that talked about the reason we are where we are, I talked about what brought me to my military service and some of the details that transpired during that time. When that was written things were different, I was in a different place and in a lot of ways I was still trying to turn a blind eye to the internal struggle. I was also at a point where I was afraid to “rock the boat” I felt that I had no voice in society nor did I have the right to voice an opinion. Essentially, I muted myself in many ways and made an honest effort to let some people into the world that I live in.

Now before I proceed much farther let’s establish a few things, I do not consider myself a writer. At times I am fortunate enough to translate feelings emotions and information on to paper and it makes sense. Sometimes it is a struggle to make words match up, all of that being said as you read this I can promise you that I am far from an English major, there will be errors in punctuation, the right words may not always be used and some things may just be unorthodox. Some may not agree with the things I have to say, and I respect that, I am more than happy to discuss others views and perceptions of things. I do ask that you respect the sanctity of what this is about. I can only hope that it may reach a few people and inspire them to seek change within themselves, even more I hope that it reaches a few and they take a stand against the wrongs. Mostly I hope it gives you some insight of what life is like for so many of us.

How will this work?

As I stated before much of this is about therapy and because it is there will be no promises about how consistent this story will be told. What many people will probably never understand is that the battle with a head injury and PTSD influences so many things in one’s life. As you will learn there are times when being productive is not much of a challenge and there are days in which just getting up in a day is nearly life ending. Because of this I will do my best to run a portion of this story twice a week there will be times when it may take a week to put things together and there will be times where I just might get extra accomplished.

Here is the journey that we are about to embark on, this journey will have moments of pride, moments of sadness, times of loss and periods of anger. I do not ask for sympathy nor do I expect everyone to see things the same as I do, however, as I bare my soul I ask for respect.

Our journey will start with the real roots to what drew me into military service. We will go on to talk about the thrill of accomplishing a goal by being stationed in Washington DC. We will discuss the trauma and pain of being less than 8000 feet from the Pentagon during September 11th and the feelings of watching a nation change.

We will move on to how letting emotion and pride control decisions which lead to volunteering for combat. We will get down to the raw emotion of how it feels to be in combat and how the small individual experiences compile into a massive nest of issues.

Along the we way will talk personal details about battling with PTSD and Traumatic Brain Injury. We will also discuss the huge impact these battles have on daily life as well and in the worse ways have a major effect on a family and friends.

Lastly, we will talk about injustice, how so many use the battle of the American service member to gain yet l the struggling in their wake as they move on to success and how service members abuse a system for personal gains leaving a trail of damage behind them.